Have you had a day where its just a long day. Everything about it seems long. The clock stays in the same place for what seems like hours. Your lunch break, well that goes by rather quickly because you have free time, of course.
We cram our faces with lunch and head back to a cubicle or office for several more hours. UGH DRAG… Getting home you feel rushed, and hurried cause you are now out of time from a day that drug on forever. The kids are fighting back and forth. Dinner is not even close to ready and they are hungry.
Usually, you wouldn’t care, but it’s Thursday and you have one more day left in the week to prepare for. Then, you snap. The trigger goes off and there goes your temper. Your kids are staring at you like your head is spinning. Your husband, well he doesn’t know what to say.
Next thing you know you are sitting in your closet for some peace and quiet because you just “need to get away”. Of course, you’re trying to be the mom that does it all but seriously, it just can’t happen. And for obvious reasons.
Does this sound like you? Are you one of these people that hold it all together. Than all of the sudden take out your frustrations on your people and sooner or later start to feel guilty about it? I will raise both hands to that and say I am one of those moms.
I can say that I have sat in my closet several times, just for some sort of realization. A realization that “Hey you are a great mom, stop blaming yourself for things,” would come to me and I would feel a million and 1 times better!
You know you have to stop at some point, but the weight of it all, even with a spouse assisting can sometimes be too much. At some point, you than realize that things aren’t that bad, that you wish you could be there for them more than you actually are and you start blaming yourself.
This my friend, is Mom Guilt! With a Capital M!!
What is Mom Guilt?
What is mom guilt exactly? I see this all the time. Literally everywhere. Mom’s saying, “how to stop mom guilt”, or “get rid of the mom guilt”. So today I will share with you that yes it is a real thing. All mom’s, do this. Even Sally, the mom who has it all together. Ya, she has it too.
And honestly, I don’t think that there is a right or wrong definition of the said “mom guilt”. Or a right or wrong answer to tame the mom guilt. So how do you know when you are guilty of mom guilt?
The reality is this. You landed here because you are a mom. And at some point in your mom life, you have experienced the above traits of mom guilt. For whatever the reason, you figured that there is a normal part of this and you know you are not crazy but you need some guidance.
Am I right?
5 Ways To Stop Shaming Yourself as a Mom
#1. Find a Balance
I’ll be the first to say, there is a fine line between work life and balance. Each person strives for this so much that sometimes you can’t tell the difference. I am definitely guilty of this. (See what I did there)
Work-life and home life are two different things. When you are a mom and work full time you feel guilty for not giving your kids enough attention. Do they have their lunches? Did I forget to pack Kenny’s backpack? Oh no, what if Susan can’t pick them up today?
All of these flow into your work life and set you off balance at your job. Of course, you are going to think about your family while you are at work. But shaming yourself because you may have forgotten a water bottle is not going to make your day better.
Find a balance between work life and home life. Make a list the night before and get everything ready before you head out the door. My family uses the Samsung Family Hub. We all have access to it and we all know what is going on with each other that day. It is awesome!!
#2. Leave It At The Door
Now, if that isn’t he right answer who knows, but generally letting stress guide your day is setting yourself up for failure.
Leave it at the door. If it follows you through the door chances are you will end up letting everyone in the house, who doesn’t want to know, about your lousy day. You will have lousy days. We all do. But pining over it after it happens isn’t going to make it better.
Strive to leave everything including your purse and coat, at the door. When we welcome anger into the house after a bad day, we allow others to feel that anger. Ya, ya it sounds weird I know. But it is so true. I notice when I am in a bad mood or someone is a bad mood in the house it literally makes everyone on edge. Its a down ward spiral that no one wants to be apart of.
#3. Don’t Handle it All at Once
As moms, we try to handle things. All. Of. The. Things. At one time. Is that ok to do? Well sure if you are superhuman and have a dozen arms. Mom’s have enough going on, so handling all of the day’s duties is something that we just have to deal with. As if we don’t already have enough on our plate. You know, the cooking, the cleaning, the errands, the dishes. Whew! It’s enough to blow your hair back that’s for sure.
But why on earth do we try to handle it all on our own. Asking for help… is that so much to ask. I know, I know I dread the whining too. Trust me it happens. Every. Single. Time. “But why do I have to load the dishwasher?” You know, sometimes I would just like to hear a “yes ma’am”. Not gonna happen.
So I continue to do things that needs to be done be if I procrastinate and do it tomorrow, plain and simple, it wont get done. Not everything has to happen at the same time. Space out your laundry, plan your dinners, make the kids fold clothes. If you have cram it all in one weekend, well, you have no weekend. Plan ahead and make time for yourself.
#4. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
Somehow, somewhere, I know I read this book at one point in my life. And by gads, it was a really good book. But its legit and ladies, this is for you. Why are we always making a big deal out of things. I mean sometimes I do? Can you answer No to that question??
Neither do I. There are things in life that I don’t even bat an eye at but lord have mercy, if my husband leaves his slightly dirty laundry on the shelf next to his side of the closet. You know… things like that. But why, why get so upset about it? In all actuality is a character trait that for some reason he inherited. And lord help me, I know I am not going to break this habit after 10 years.
In the beginning of our marriage I was really nit picky. To the point where I would just pick at things for no reason. IE; the dishes being in the sink when I got home, laundry piled up, the dogs not fed. Those weird types of things. My husband did not like me during that period so I had to figure something out. Later I realized that its not so hard to just not be that way. Don’t sweat the small stuff, because the small stuff ain’t that bad.
#5. Be Happy
When you read this what did you think? Like happy that you have a job and a car and things like that? No. I mean genuinely happy. Why is it so damn hard for people not to smile and say hello? Sometimes, I look in the mirror at myself (I have RBF, google it) I seriously wonder why people don’t smile at me. It seems like its a natural look for me so I just do it.
Deep down inside, I could find every reason not to be happy. I could hate everything around me and be so negative that the universe would be pooping sprinkles and gumdrops on my head and I wouldn’t even know it. But choosing not to be that way has taught me a lot of hard lessons in the past.
If you choose to be happy, happiness always finds you. Count those blessings and keep smiling at the things that you have in your life, because those are all blessings. We weren’t sent here just for material things, we were sent here to live a life of happiness. SO let it shine!
Get Rid of the Guilt
So you see, you made it to the end of this rant. Girl, you are blessed, bold, beautiful and capable of endless possibilities. Why keep shaming yourself. We are mom’s we deserve a little reprieve. And to be honest I dont know of anyone more deserving than us mom’s.
If you start one day at a time, you will end up with a clear conscious. It has taken me years to realize that I am only one person, the laundry doesn’t fold itself and I need some dang help sometimes! It’s ok to be that person. Now go, have a glass of cheer and boast in your momness! Because you deserve it.