I remember it was mid afternoon on a weekday. We had been trying to have a child for over a year now and part of me was hoping that the thin blue line would pop up. While the other part of me was so scared. Scared of mommy hood. Scared of the birth process and just plain scared of pregnancy!
There it was, the thin blue line on my Clear Blue Easy testing strip. “OMG!!” I kept staring at it, thinking it would fade away as it had on many occasions. Closing my eyes than opening them again. IT WAS STILL THERE!!
With a towel in my hair, I raced downstairs and started screaming (happy screams!) My fiance didn’t believe me. He looked at me blankly like I was CRAZY!! I hid the stick behind my back and when he stopped saying “No Way??”
I pulled out the tiny stick. He began to cry. We hugged for quite a while and then the phone calls started being made. Aside from our wedding, telling everyone our news was one of the happiest days of my life.
We Did It!
We couldn’t believe it! Our wedding was weeks away and we were going to have a baby! Now I know what you’re thinking. ” A baby before marriage?” I can’t stress enough the fact that when you have found the one with whom you know you are going to spend the rest of your every lovin life with, before marriage doesn’t matter.
The day we met I knew that he was different. Different how? He had a smile that could melt your heart and every girl in the room wanted to be with him, or next to him. Hmmm. Maybe that was just me (TEHEHEHE). Everything just clicked. My heart had found the one. ❤
“I had found the one with whom my soul loves.”
Our Love Story– Life Before Kids
Before you go and think this is all to smooshy. Let me just tell you. It was not always rainbows and glitter! Dang, could you imagine if it was? Rainbows and glitter I mean? Then there wouldn’t be anything worth fighting over. And that would be a terrible love story.
In 2007 I walked into a bar, sounds like a country song. Yes, a bar (don’t judge I was 24). There he was sitting there, chatting up one of my friends. I had never seen him before. In fact, my friend had mentioned him on several occasions but had never been interested in him. LUCKY ME!!
Clearly there would be no interest in me, I was a young, still in college gal that really wasn’t looking for love. I had no idea what I wanted to do with myself.
All I knew was that I was there to hang out with my friends and BE MERRY! So I sat by him!! Me making the first move was not to out of the ordinary.
Conversations began flowing and before I knew it… No not that get your head out of the gutter!!! We exchanged phone numbers and I went on my merry way.
Thinking he would forget about me because well, I had exchanged a lot of phone numbers back in the day with no follow-through. You get my drift.
I was in California on vacation at the time and he was texting me. Honestly, I couldn’t believe it. I guess I should hang out with this guy when I get home. Several days later we landed our first date. We dated for 4 years before deciding to get married.
And Yes we were going to have a baby! What better time to plan a wedding.
A Happy Marriage
If you have landed here that means there is something that you may be missing in your marriage. Or you may just be interested to read the remainder of the story. Whatever the case, I will be the first to say, the beginning of a marriage is rocky. BOY oh BOY!
You are just starting to learn each other’s quirks and figure out what makes you both cringe! Maybe a door slamming or two also. Things get out of touch. And if you are younger, like I’m talking 20 or less than I am so happy for you! Those are the years that you are just beginning to figure out who you are.
I don’t think I can even say I knew who I was at that age. I have several friends that are still married since, after high school, high school sweethearts is the old fashioned saying. How did they do it? How can you still be in love with someone for so long and be happy in their marriage?
We respect each other, he helps me grow in so many ways, and we make each other better on many levels.
Secrets to a Happy Marriage
After being with my husband for close to 14 years now, I am more in love with him now than I have every been in my entire life with him. How is this possible? 14 years and two kids later is a long time. But for me and him we have only just begun.
RESOURCE: The 5 Love Languages
It Takes Work
As I sit here thinking of all the times that we have said something dumb, or blamed the other person for nonsense. That to this day I can’t even remember what it was about. We sat there (after the cool down period) and talked about it.
Ya, I may have been more right than him (or at least I thought I was), but for that moment I didn’t want to take that stupid fight to the next level and make it more drastic. Find grounds on a happy medium and soaked it all in. We worked through it.
We each have different opinions on things, and that is OK! You are not always going to agree. But in order to have a relationship that builds a foundation on love and trust, you have to respect the other person’s decisions and opinions. Work together on things and move through the uncertainty.
Build a Firm Foundation
In the beginning of our relationship, things were so up in the air. He was working out of town with his job A LOT! I was alone A LOT!! I leaned on my family for support during that time and truly reached out to my church friends.
It was a way for me to connect with people. For me, this was the foundation that built our solid relationship. TRUST! He earned my trust from the beginning because we were best friends. We told each other everything and there wasn’t a secret between us that each didn’t know.
I will say that it takes a lot to build trust with someone. But to begin with, that is enough to make a marriage last through the rocky times.
Honesty Is Key
When you think of honesty, what crosses your mind? Commitment? Telling the truth? Both?
If you answered both, you are absolutely right. In commitments eyes, you set yourself part with the just the word. Because you made a choice. A choice to love, honor and cherish this person that said “I do” to you. You made the commitment to always be there when the other needed it, in sickness and in health. YOU WERE THERE!
In Honesty’s eyes. You are you. If he compliments you on an outfit or tells you that you look great or beautiful. TAKE IT!! If you’re feeling out of sorts and need a little more love. SPEAK UP! I know we all have our days. So what exactly does honesty in a relationship entail??
- Make your needs known
- Don’t hold a grudge. Arguments happen. No relationship is perfect.
- Being genuine and sincere
- Don’t hide behind your emotions
- Speak openly
- Don’t deny if you did something wrong
If we are being honest here (no pun intended), having an open and honest relationship is part of the process. And it is an ongoing process.
RESOURCE: The 5 Love Languages for Men
Love and Love Hard
Have you heard that saying. “Find your tribe and love them hard”?? Of course you have. Loving your spouse with everything you have is unconditional. We give our children unconditional love. Meaning every time they make a mistake we love them anyway.
Through all of the trials that life throws at you, you have a choice. You either give up or keep going and push through it.
There will be times that you will think that this relationship isn’t for you. But you know what? You chose him, and he chose you.
Will I get upset if he plays video games all day on his day off? Ya, I used to. Until I realized that this is his release. I will still love him. That is the way he distresses.
It is not up to me to boss him around all day when I am just as guilty of frolicking through Target for no apparent reason.
It’s not my job to be a “mother” to him he already had that in his life. It is my job though to love him even on his worst day. I will still love him.
Once you learn trust and honesty, freedom comes without difficulty. In a relationship we each need our own space. I definitely need to go get my hair or toes done every now and than. And he definitely needs to go golfing with his buddies on occasion as well.
Why you ask? Because being away from someone makes the heart grow fonder. It goes back to building a foundation. In all actuality it makes both of you better lovers. You grow on that trust and build from there.
I don’t think I could be cooped up all day spending ALL of my time with him. Yes, I love him but he can drive me nuts sometimes. We are both happy and love spending time with each other but not every waking minute.
Laugh at the Small Things
Laughing. Did you know that science has stated that laughing is the best medicine. I can tell you that from first hand experience. I love to laugh. The endorphins that are released when you laugh just make you feel better!
You know my husband and I laugh at each other? We do. Because saying quirky little things to each other is something that we enjoy doing.
We find humor in crazy little things and love to laugh when we make a mistake.
Does this always happen? No. We have serious moments also but brushing off the small things is what makes light of the situation. Laugh at the small things!
Date Like You Did Before Marriage
The last and most easy of all of these is dating. Date again! Going back to before we were married we went on NUMEROUS dates! Dates to the mountains, picnics, dinner/movie dates, on a walk, and more! A few years ago our dating life got pretty boring.
We didn’t do much, just sat at home staring at each other (no, not literally). We both worked full time and were exhausted a lot. That is when I decided, we were having a date night once a week! Whether it was with friends or just us we got out and went somewhere!
We had so much fun doing that, that we made it a point to continue to do so. On occasion, we lose track of time and miss a few but we make up for it eventually with an EPIC date!! Dating has made me realize the importance of love.
Fall in love again. Sit by each other on the couch, offer to rub his back, take his hand when your in public, kiss for no reason.
Family Time Matters
When we had kids we made it a point to always have family time. Having family time is so important. Kids learn from their parents and other caregivers in their lives. It is so important to get kids involved in family activities.
For us, it is going on bike rides or swimming in our pool. This takes so much stress off our minds as parents and allows us to be better also. Having a spouse that supports you in parenting is so important. Even if you don’t have kids yet!
Family is our focal point and I have them to lean on when I get stressed or discouraged because I know that they will love me no matter what.
My Hope For You
It has been 13 years (nearly 14) since my husband and I have met. There have been some rough spots I won’t lie. But there have been more happy times than I can count. IE; flowers for no reason, bringing home wine because he knows I need it (wink wink), letting me sleep in a little later and taking care of the kids, making a special meal because he knows I love it.
Little things go a long way and mean more than you will know. As you embark on your journey through married life stress the importance of being present! Find time for each other. And most importantly love each other and love each other HARD!!!
These are the things that have gotten us through 13 years of wedded bliss. I hope that this has helped you in some way. I would love to hear your stories! How long have you been married? Do you have tips to share? Comment below!!