When I was 21 all I wanted to do was hang out with my besties, stay home, and sleep all day and be out all night. We were all 21 once. Having the time of our lives. Playing hardball with life, because we didn’t care.
One day you wake up and you think to yourself “Ok, it’s time to get your life in order.” It was around age 24 that I realized I should probably stop spending my life day drinking, and get a real job. But seriously, who really wants to do that?
I will never forget the day I met my husband. Of course, we weren’t “looking” for each other. In fact, at one point I think he was hitting on my best friend. But that’s another story for another time. Happen stance, that he landed in my lap. Quite literally.
Table of contents
When You Know, You Know
Giving away your number to a guy is a thing of the past right? I mean now a days, you go on Plenty of Fish or Facebook or something. Who knows. Back when I met my husband, we barely discovered text messaging. So giving away your phone number was the true meaning of “I mean business”.
To make a long story short, we dated for about 6 months. He was like no other guy I had ever met. Like the kind of person you just click with and your heart gets butterflies every time you see them. Ya, that kind of love.
If you aren’t aware, each person has 3 loves in their lifetime. You can read more on that and my cute daughter here. About 2 years later we ended up getting married.
Why so long you ask? Well, life happened. We had a baby and moved in together and it got real. But he was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and I knew that in my heart.
Don’t ever let someone tell you who to love. If you love them, and you know you do than, you do. Plain and simple. It isn’t someone else’s relationship to justify that it isn’t the right one for you. Keep that in mind.
The Struggles of Marriage
Did you know that you can’t work one without the other? Just like you can’t throw a ball in the air and expect it not to hit the ground. Relationships are the same. In a relationship, we learn things the hard way.
You may notice that it’s all fun and romance in the beginning. “Wedded Bliss” is what they call it. Love being around eachother every minute, every day. Sharing everything, except deodarant. Than the 3 year mark happens.
What is the 3 year mark? If you haven’t heard of this than here is a leg in the door. 3 years in when you have probably had a baby by now, you both are working your butts off. You never see eachother. And you nit pick over the dumbest thing.
IE; leaving the lid off the toothpaste, didn’t take out the trash, forgot to pay that bill. These are times that will test you and your spouse so much. So much that you will lose track of the reason you got married to them in the first place.
Surviving the Five Year Mark
If you have hit 5 years of marriage, I applaud you!! Hooray! I do mean that oh so nicely. 5 years is the brink of marriage. Did you know that the average marriage only lasts 5 years.
In other words, people quit trying after 5 years. WHY?? At 5 years of marriage, you are in your prime, you are realizing that you can be independent and do things without them.
Am I right? For example: when my husband and I were married for five years, I had finished nursing school and was now a nurse. Making some good money! Hell, I didn’t realize I could do this before!! Hallelujah things just got real!
The true test was the fact that my husband was gone. A lot. Meaning I had to fend for myself and my daughter. A lot. I was being INDEPENDENT! Or so I thought.
We went through some of our worst times at 5 years. The distance of straining our relationship and we honestly felt like we didn’t know each other anymore. We went through hell and back. We lost everything, from our house, to our cars to our independence.
But through it we persevered and learned a million and one lessons on love and fighting for a marriage that we both so dearly wanted to last.
The True Relationship Test
You obviously believe in the true meaning of love or else you wouldn’t have found and married your spouse. AKA the love of your life. No relationship is perfect, I will be the first to say. It may look good on the outside but sometimes its not all glitter and sunshine inside.
I believe in finding a soul mate. And I also believe that within your lifetime, male or female, you will have 3 loves. I love bringing this up because it wasn’t that apparent to me until I met my husband.
#1. Puppy Love
Good old puppy love. We have all been there. You know, the high school days. Or maybe it was college for you. Either way, this love it the love that you feel so strongly about and it even gives you butterflies.
But its a quick love. Someone that will be what your friends want to be, not what you want to it be. This is the love that we feel will be our only one. So despite the differences, you make it work. Even if it doesn’t feel right, you fret that others will frown upon you not being together.
#2. The Tough Love
The tough love is a love that feels right but there are so many things wrong with it. This love will teach you things that you don’t want in a relationship and what is good for you.
This love will teach you lessons that you never knew about yourself. With this love comes lies, manipulation, and a lot of tears. Even the trust barrier is broken with this relationship. This love is the one we wish was right.
Most often than not this relationship will last quite some time. It can come with narcissistic behaviors. and a whole lot of drama. This is the love that we try to talk ourselves into being right because you trying to make it work becomes way more important than if it actually should.
#3. The Real Love
The funny part about real love, it just happens. This kind of love comes out of no where. Its the one that you just, connect with. The one that you mesh with and you don’t why, but you have a feeling you have met in another past life.
This is the one that comes without the drama. Without the heartache and tears, and just wants to be there. The love that we waited for and went through all the maybes for. The one that is real love.
Looking back on all the years that I spent wasting time on boys that weren’t men. Or fighting with an ex over something stupid. That is where all of that led to this. It has now been 13 years, and my husband and I are very happily married.
Of course there was fighting, and slammed doors and maybe even some bad words at times. But all of that led to here. And here is where we belong. Because we stuck through the hard, and learned from the drama. And apologized. Alot.
Without all of that it wouldn’t have made us stronger. We learned to respect eachothers goals and dreams, and never ever go to bed angry. Learning through the struggles and still realizing that our love was stronger than the struggles, allowed us to focus on what was important.
Advice for Newlyweds
I guess early on in our marriage I never expected us to fail. I mean we changed our lives for each other, so I wanted it to end up happily ever after. Being a newlywed is the best time for relationships to grow. It is the basis of a relationship that offers stability for the long term.
As you go through your fights, arguments, tantrums (because that is seriously what they are at times), stop to think of the thing that matters most in your life. Why did you choose this path?
Why did you walk down the aisle? You said those vows. You know that you wanted this from the day you said yes. Do you have it all figured out? No way! Not by a long shot. Even after 13 years of marriage we still don’t have it figured out. Keep going.
Find Strength in Eachother
Let me tell you, rock bottom, its a hard fall. And when you hit it, which you will at some point in your marriage, you will need to find the strength to keep going. Where are you going to turn?
I remember when my husband and I first got married. We filed bankruptcy actually. Why am I telling you this? Because it was rock bottom for us. We had no money, I wasn’t working and I knew there had to be an out. So we went bankrupt.
Maybe we were just young and naive wanting everything we couldn’t afford. You know we were just starting out. My point is, we found strength in eachother to move on with our life and build off of that set back.
Today we have owned three properties and are in the process of building a business. Have you ever heard the saying “there is strength in numbers”? Do you agree with that saying? If you can accomplish a goal by yourself, just think about what you can do when two people who have ambitions get together and make their dreams come true.
Making it Happen
Sometimes things happen that get in the way of what you want. These obstacles happen to make you a better person. It was in the midst of our trials that I grew to love my husband even more than when we met. How is this possible? We fight, like any other couple, but we chose eachother and we work toward becoming better for the other.
Would I do it over again? No. When life, relationships, and love get hard. You fight for it. Now I know that for some people this isn’t the case and not all relationships work out. But know this. If it means a lot to you and you are better together keep pushing through.
I want to know your thoughts and your relationship secrets. Have you kept the spark in your marriage for years? Tell me what you do to keep things going in your marriage!